12 Things That DO NOT Kick Ass

Last week we posted a little story showcasing the 100 things that DO kick ass. This week, in honor of the debut of the new movie The Losers (starring the dad from Supernatural), we’re giving you the dirty dozen: 12 things that absolutely DO NOT kick ass.

12. When you’re asked what the capital of Thailand is and you don’t know the answer.

11. The New Jersey Nets

10. You wanna get with your girl so you pop a Viagra and instead she asks you to lay out by the pool…

…also, you have a small penis.

9. Walking in on your great-grandparents having sex—and realizing they got more game in the sack than you.

8. Using a new lotion to masturbate, and discovering it’s Gorilla glue.

7. Having to masturbate

6. Peeing your pants… in public

4. Realizing you just spent $100 for oregano

3. Miraculously shitting “I Love U” and having no one see it.

2. Ghandi’s Autobiography

1. Being a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest