The Intergalactic Gigs of DJ Jawa Script!

By Spun Counterguy on March 31, 2020

Jawa Script is an intergalactic DJ not good enough to turn down any gigs but seems to have a good time doing it all the same. Before are excerpts from his travel log.

Date: 1 BBY (Before Battle of Yavin)

Scored a choice gig at a meteor shower watching party on the planet of Alderaan but it didn’t go as smooth as I had hoped. The chief trouble was that some drunk chick kept requesting “Shame on a Nerfherder (That tries to run game on a Nerfherder)” which is a great track but a little ghetto considering what a high brow function the gig was. All the same, I played it once but the lady kept coming back and demanding that I play it again, claiming she’d been in the bathroom and missed getting to get her groove on to it. I finally told her to go force off, which was a major blunder on my part. Come to find out she was the wife of the planet’s senator who because she couldn’t have her own children was known to deal with her grief by getting sloshed at every function. All to say, I got fired halfway through the gig and got replaced by a jam box playing a mixtape that read “From Bail to Breha”.

“Interestingly, after I got home I realized I’d left one of my audio cables behind but when I went back to Alderaan I couldn’t find the dang planet! But I did see a heck of an asteroid show that would’ve really dazzled the eyes of the Alderaanians if they could’ve seen it, wherever they were.

Date: 1 ABY

Participated in a DJ scratch battle with a new guy on the scene, DJ Lobot. Nice guy; doesn’t talk much though. I guess his signature look is spinning while having a hoojib on his shoulder. I told him it looked dumb and that also there was a steady stream of hoojib droppings running down his back. He asked for some other ideas to set him apart from other DJs and I suggested shaving his head. At the time he had this patchy, greasy trash compactor-water-colored hair that just looked nasty. Lobot thanked me for the suggestion and then said he was going to the bathroom. The guy comes back a few minutes later as bald as a baby gamorrean’s butt! Everyone loved his new look and by the end of the gig he was surrounded by the hottest twi-leks I’ve ever seen!

Date: 2 ABY

According to the official press release, Max Rebo has parted ways with Sy Snootles over so-called “artistic differences”. But I heard it was because Rebo was usually so blitzed from freebasing midichlorians that he often couldn’t even manage to remember to wear pants to their gigs. Which would not have been much of a problem if he just kept his big blue a$# sat down! But of course enviably Max would stand up to add a little dramatic flair to his keyboard riffs or to “readjust” himself. Whatever the case, Rebo showed up to this water bubble ballet I had on Mon Calamari, totally tweeked out and was begging me to play his first track as a solo artist. I previewed it in the headphones and it was terrible! I had to tell him the truth so he ended up curled up and crying on the dance floor, pantless off course.

Date: 4 ABY

Good grief! Just got home from a party on Jabba the Hut’s sail barge. What a pile of bantha dung! Everything started off great- folks were digging my beats, a R2 unit kept everyone well lubricated and I’m pretty sure Jabba’s new dancing slave girl was giving me the eye! I don’t know what happened but next thing I know shots were fired, people are screaming and one of Bib Fortuna’s severed tentacles lands on my mixer. I can see the party’s pretty much over so I go to Jabba to get my pay but that slug is dead from I think some erotic asphyxiation act gone horribly wrong. Luckily, I tossed most of my records and gear off the barge before it blew up. Had to walk what seems like a million parsecs before I was able to flag down a landspeeder to take me home. As I write this I have no galactic credits in my pocket but plenty of sand in my crack.