7 Reasons Why Martha Stewart Won’t Go to WAL-MART

By Steel Trap on June 24, 2010

Sure, her shit sells at K-Mart, but there’s more than one reason the path to Martha Stewart Living stops at Sam Walton’s door…

7. She would never be caught dead wearing that!

6. Until that stint in prison, a sight like this wouldn’t have enticed her.

5. The Rocky Horror Picture Show was a perennial movie night favorite in cell block seven.

4. A long time ago she learned to steer clear of wayward, horny men.

3. As much as Martha likes to cook, she still has no use for back fat.

2. We almost enticed her with a spotting of the Venus of Willendorf, but after close inspection, she saw it for the rouse that it was.

1. As many times as she professed it, she never could convince her cellmate of this.