Flood of Fish Sandwiches Day 6 – Big Ballyhoo at the BK

By Cat Taylor on April 24, 2014

After a boring and uneventful trip to Wendy’s, the local Burger King had more than enough excitement to make up for it. I don’t know about the Burger Kings where you live, but the one in Madison, Tennessee perpetuated the worst in every negative stereotype of fast food chains that you’ve ever heard. The first thing I noticed was that the place looked like a war zone. Trash littered the floor and tables and war-weary customers stood in line looking shell-shocked at their surroundings. As the people in front of me ordered and joined the hordes still waiting for the food that they had ordered and paid for back when Bush was still president, I heard “we’re out of that” repeatedly from the workers behind the counter. Fortunately, they weren’t out of the Big Fish. Now, when you order the fish sandwich from Burger King, you can order the Big Fish, or you can pay extra for the Big Fish Deluxe. If you look at the picture on the menu, it appears that the Big Fish Deluxe is significantly bigger. However, don’t be fooled by your first glance. An astute observer will notice that the side-by-side picture of the two has the Big Fish Deluxe placed on a higher platform than the regular Big Fish. If you put both sandwiches on the same level then they are exactly the same size. This is what scientists call an optical illusion.

[pullquote]“YOU BEST WATCH WHO YOU CALLIN’ A BITCH CAUSE I AIN’T NO BITCH! YOU THE BITCH, M*****F*****!!! [/pullquote] Both sandwiches have the same size piece of fish. Both are also on a sesame seed bun with lettuce, pickle, and tartar sauce. Of course I told them to hold the tartar sauce, as usual, but for some reason they held the pickles too. I decided to let it go since there were bigger things to worry about at this stop. Ultimately, the only thing the “deluxe” version has that the regular one doesn’t is a piece of cheese and “specialty sauce.” Looking at the rest of my surroundings, I decided that I didn’t even want to take a chance on finding out what the “specialty sauce” was.

When it was finally my turn to order, I found out why things were taking so long. The employees were on their cell phones during the weekend dinner rush! Why wasn’t the manager doing something about this? Because she was taking a personal cell phone call of her own at the registers right in front of the customers! After placing my order, I waited for one of the employees to emerge from the restroom so I could wash my hands. As I said above, this restaurant was out of many items. Unfortunately, soap was one of those items. So, I told the manager. The employee who came out of the rest room before me said, “Oh, I must have used the last of it.” I would have loved to believe him but common sense told me that he was lying and didn’t wash his hands. Consider the following evidence. When I hit the soap dispenser multiple times, not one drop came out. If he used “the last of it”, one of two things should have occurred. In one reality, I would have hit the dispenser multiple times and have gotten one or two remaining drops that I barely squeezed out. In another reality, he’s the one who barely squeezed out those last few drops. If the second reality were the case then by any lack of apathy and concern for even minimal hygiene, he should have told someone or replaced the empty soap container when he came out of the restroom. He certainly didn’t just realize they were out when I said something. As a result, I concluded that he didn’t wash his hands and hoped that he didn’t handle my food. With all the employees standing around doing nothing, that was at least possible. So, I let wishful thinking guide me to take a chance and eat my meal.

One of the cool things that Burger King and many other fast food restaurants have now are Coke machines with every flavor you could imagine, including different flavors that you can add to the basic soda. These are a sight to behold. Say for instance, that I push the button to get a Diet Coke. Well, after hitting the Diet Coke selection, I then have to make a second selection. Do I just want a plain Diet Coke, or do I want it with cherry, vanilla, raspberry, lime, peach, or orange flavoring added? You can do that for every single selection. It’s a freaking soda buffet!……except not at this location on this day. Not surprisingly, the machines were out of almost every drink selection.

His flame-broiled technique only heightened hostility.

I finally sat down in an attempt to enjoy my meal when I heard some commotion up front. I don’t know how it started but a customer had become irate and was yelling at the manager with some colorful language. I couldn’t make out everything she was saying but I am certain that she yelled the word “bitch” more than once. In all my years of living, I have witnessed some pretty explosive situations and have always been impressed with how cool-headed most customer service managers can remain as they somehow either calm the irate customer or remove him/her from the premises. As a result, I was interested to see what conflict resolution techniques the manager at this Burger King would utilize. I am paraphrasing her response to the best of my memory but it went something like this, “YOU BEST WATCH WHO YOU CALLIN’ A BITCH CAUSE I AIN’T NO BITCH! YOU THE BITCH, M*****F*****!!! YOU THINK I’M SCARED A YOU??? I AIN’T SCARED A YOU!!!! COME ON, BITCH!!!!” That exchange went on for a while until the potential customer stormed out still yelling while everyone else in the restaurant; employee and customer alike took it all in. In case you’re wondering, no, I was not the angry customer.

After that ordeal, I was really hoping that the sandwich would be extraordinary. It was, if by “extraordinary” I really meant super-salty. I think they made sure to soak it in ocean water after cooking it for authenticity. It’s a good thing that drink refills were unlimited, even if the selection was limited.

Outside, things remained uniformly unassuming.

Quite an adventure, to say the least. I noticed that I could get a free Whopper if I take their customer satisfaction survey on the back of my receipt. I wonder if I can just cut and paste this review into their website.