Explaining Technobabble to Grandma and Grandpa

Millennials trust in tech. There’s an app for almost everything after all and ones like Uber or Lyft have created countless jobs when presidents and corporations could not.

Boomers and Gen-Xers conversely do not trust the tech. In fact, they barely trust machines. Thanks to books like James Orwell’s 1984 and catch phrases such as, “Danger, Will Robinson!” they definitely mistrust the smarter ones.

It’s because tech is great when it works. It was made by humans, however, so Grandma and Grandpa know it’s most likely destined to fail. Millennials simply refer to this as “planned obsolescence.”

In an effort to bridge these generation gaps, here’s a guide to explaining some of the buzzwords your grandparents (and parents) may still find baffling. We’ve also tried to explain a millennial’s initial reaction to references to old tech.

What your Grandma thinks when you say or refer to:

Firestick—You need this to go camping
Roku—What hippies probably do or smoke in the dark
Bluetooth—Someone born with a silver spoon in their mouth
Facetime—There is nothing virtual about it
Facebook—The only place where you’ll regularly see your children and grandchildren
Snapchat—A better name for the lightning round on Jeopardy!
Twitter—What your heart does when you meet “the one”
Going Viral—Something a simple shot can’t clear up
Autonomous Vehicle—Cruise control
Alexa—A girl who’s dad really wanted a boy
Swatting—For when flypaper fails you
Thumb Drive—Power steering
Podcast—The remnants of shucking peas

What your Millennial thinks when you say or refer to:

Fax—The opposite of fiction
Dot-Matrix—Keanu Reeves’ girlfriend in the bad tech trilogy of the same name
Phonograph—A classic rock song by Def Leppard
LP—Hipster bait
8-Track—A deejay
Cassette—An 80s smartphone case
Mixtape—Playlist
Mainframe—Kim Kardashian before all the surgery
Zip Drive—Something made obsolete by Uber
Hi-Fi—Wi-Fi
Cruise Control—Limiting the number of Tom Cruise movies to only about 3 a year
Polio—Ralph Lauren
Y2K—Partying like it’s 1999
Walkman—Your only solution during surge pricing on Uber