Gary Busey Newest FoxNews Talking Head

Glenn Beck, host of the wildly popular Glenn Beck Program, has been fired in a surprise move from FOX News.  Anonymous sources high up in the FOX corporation claim that despite Beck’s fantastic ratings, he’s just too much of an ignorant dumbass for the network to keep him on the air in good conscience.

In an effort to retain brand notoriety and the signature GB logo, early indications showed singer Garth Brooks, actor Gerard Butler and the many-years-deceased comedic actor George Burns as possible successors.  However, just this morning, it was announced that it will in fact be Gary Busey that takes the reigns from the ousted Beck.

“Even with Gary’s horrible motorcycle accident back in the ’90s that did god-knows-how-much damage to his brain function, he still brings much smarter commentary to the network than Glenn,” said a Fox Producer.  “Personally, I just got tired of Beck.  And he shows up to work in the ugliest sweaters.”

Although Busey has no previous contextual knowledge about politics that he can recall, supporters insist it’s the perfect fit.

“Busey has his finger on the pulse of the common man,” said some random guy we asked.  “Granted, his finger’s only there because he relishes the sensation of blood moving through ‘our mortal shell.’  At least he’s not a bloodsucker like Beck.”

Even Beck’s die hard followers admit that “you do kinda have to be drunk to watch Glenn Beck.  It doesn’t work if you get stoned either.  It just kills your buzz from the get go.”

According to Gary Busey, S-O-B-E-R simply means “Son of a bitch!  Everything’s Real!!”

After an hour straight of Gary Busey, even the most sober schmuck will be enlightened, in that I-ate-a-few-mushroom-caps kinda way.