Halliburton Switches to Wind Power Overnight

In a time of would-be celebration for anyone in the oil industry—thanks to major strides in stopping the massive oil leak in the Gulf—oil giant Halliburton has taken an ironic turn in the company’s future. Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who underwent major heart surgery last week, is literally plugged into an electrical socket in order to keep his heart beating. With news that their greatest advocate, and former CEO, is dependant upon an alternate source of energy in order to remain alive, Halliburton has vowed to devote all their non-gulf-cleanup efforts to develop localized wind-power technology. If the device proves to be a success, it will look something like the artist’s illustration below…

Former President Bush expounded on Halliburton’s unique design, “Think Don Quixote, meets Mary Poppins, they fuck, and have Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang!” When asked why they didn’t just rig a car battery to a Segway, Halliburton simply responded, “We were told he was too weak to stand.” Other considerations involve iPad pornography and propulsion via methane gas. With news of a move that almost shakes the very foundation upon which the company was built, Cheney’s family has elected to keep silent on this matter, so as not to give him his 6th heart attack.