5 Ways to Still Make Corey Haim and Corey Feldman Movies

By Steel Trap on March 11, 2010

Saddened by the passing of ’80s master thespian Corey Haim, we suddenly realized there can be no more ’80s Spring Break boob flicks! Worse yet, there can’t be a Lost Boys reunion. But don’t shed a single tear just yet. Thanks to CGI and a little cinema magic, we may have figured out a way to resuscitate our Lost Boy alumnus…

MeatBoobs

We pick up where Corey Feldman left off in Meatballs 4, only now all demi-celebs are playing themselves. Since they hadn’t spoken in years, Feldman finds Jennifer Love Hewitt to talk to newly deceased pal Corey Haim about a picture deal. SURPRISE! Turns out he’s haunting a girl’s summer camp! J Love finally convinces Haim to speak with Feldman after taking a long, hot shower. Nothing like a nice rack to lure a horny ghost out of obscurity. Third Act plot twist: Hewitt capsizes during the big jet ski race and both Coreys get her in the end, har har.

Dream a Little Dream, Then Don’t Wake-up

This one’s kinda self explanatory.

Licensed to Dive

There’s a Corey in the water! Heather Graham returns as fanboy love interest supreme, helping Cory Feldman cope with best bud Corey Haim’s recent passing. But the gang doesn’t dwell in the doldrums for long! Turns out ole buddy Haim’s haunting a body of water in the party cove, and offering his spiritual services to the bikini-clad babes who dive into his watery embrace. Like a good BFF, Feldman picks up chicks on shore and brings new flings to his pal via a party barge. Totally worth it for the underwater 3-way with the incomparable Miss Graham.

Star Farce

With wars fought all across the galaxy, the numbers within the Rebel Alliance are diminishing. Thus, a decree is made and strictly enforced: Rebels are to copulate and produce needed offspring in order to maintain the Alliance armies and their way of life. Obi Wan, Anakin Skywalker and Corey Haim are given orders to play cupid to the young Jedi, and encourage them to spawn. Gorgeous gaming guru, Olivia Munn, plays Princess Lay-ya, the intangible muse to Putz Skywalker, played by none other than Corey Feldman. Master Yoda has a vision of the future in which the offspring of Putz and Lay-Ya restores balance to the Force. Seeing as how Putz is too shy to approach Lay-Ya (even with the decree), Yoda then uses the force to conjure all remaining Jedi to a hellacious orgy in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant—masturbate, you will!

Weekend at Corey’s