Tarpley’s Killer Horror Film Top 10 Party

By guest writer D.B. Tarpley

Greetings and salutations people and peoplettes,
D.B.Tarpley here, movie party maestro extraordinaire. Tis the month, tis the season, tis the perfect everything for a movie party. As brilliant golden flaming leaves hurl themselves to the ground in blind desperation and the cool dark impasse of night creeps further and further into an unsuspecting day a perfect moment presents itself for one and all to gather together in the comfort of some cozy hole and scare the living shit out of one another.

Being the veteran host of untold movie parties I have a few simple pointers to make yours a smashing success. I am sure everyone does it differently and please feel free to run your event as your natural tendencies dictate. But here is my modus operandi if anyone is interested. You need food and beverages. But not a formal meal. I find a huge crock-pot of soup works wonders. I have a potato soup recipe which always pleases and my chili is to die for, (Cartman’s surprise.) You can set out chips and dips, etc. and sodas and water for beverages… fun but light. I find it is always best to hold my events BYOB. Just common sense really, you never know who is going to show up.

I like to create a whole experience for my guests when I throw a party so I always make a gift bag, full of simple things like toy soldiers, colorful pencils, and various other assorted party favors. And always a party mix CD. That is a must. No D.B.Tarpley party is complete without a dope ass polka/J-pop mix.
O.K., now to the meat of the party, the movies. I must confess, I usually agonize over which movie to play. The perfect movie is of course contingent on the crowd. I find you don’t want anything too heavy… the larger the crowd the more middle of the road your fare has to gravitate towards. I also like to show a movie which the fewest people at the party have seen. So therein lies the problem. Finding something which appeals to even the most pedestrian horror fan but which might also be considered a hidden gem, or at least a hidden bag of recycled aluminum cans.

A couple of quick guidelines when picking films: Of course, all crowds are different and only you know your crowd best so if everybody there is a hard-core horror beast then go for broke. But my experience is that is not usually the case. So nothing too heavy, nothing too graphic. Keep it light and fun. You can have gore just don’t pull out ‘Ichi the Killer’ when Margery the lunch lady drops by for some candy corn and a giggle. Which brings me to another point. Drop all foreign films. Most people find reading a drag while they are watching a flick. Also try to keep the films as recent as you can. While you may believe Psycho to be the penultimate horror film, most people get fidgety like two year old toddlers during older flicks. You have to remember that the party is ultimately about your guest’s enjoyment.

That being said, here is a list of ten films I believe to be guaranteed crowd pleasers. They are all light, funny, and scary. I realize there are thousands of films to choose from and you may have seen each and every one of these. But I have found most common movie goers have not.

1 – Housebound: (2014) After a bungled robbery attempt a young woman is forced into house arrest at her childhood home with her mother. Creepy and surreal events ensue in this darkly comedic gem from New Zealand. Plenty of gore and laughs all around.

2 – Grave Encounters: (2011) A reality ghost hunting crew encounters real haunts in a supremely scary mental hospital. As funny and inventive as ‘Session 9’ is scary. The debut feature from writer director duo The Vicious Brothers, (Colin Minihan and Stuart Ortiz), this film successfully satires the genre while at the same time effectively delivering genuine frights.

3 – Satan’s Little Helper: (2004) A little boy who feels ostracized by his family during Halloween befriends another costumed individual who is in fact a demented serial killer. This horror comedy keeps you on the edge of uneasy laughs as the line between make believe and pure evil gets blurrier and blurrier.

4 – Severance: (2006) A group of office workers get lost heading to a work retreat and end up in a former holding camp for insane ex- Serbian soldiers. This witty British comedy perfectly balances laughs with an excellent ensemble and a growing sense of dread as the workers predicament gets all too real.

5 – The Signal: (2007) It is important to note that this is not the 2014 film of the same name. This film tells 3 interconnected stories by 3 different directors to relate what happens when a mysterious murderous signal emanates over the airwaves which turns almost everyone who hears it into homicidal maniacs. At times alternately vicious and hysterical this film delivers the goods with emotional impact to spare.

6 – VHS2: (2013) The notorious VHS series is well known within the horror community but few people in the casual movie going audience have seen them. As a rule anthology films are hit and miss and this is certainly no exception but I feel this is the best overall in the series, if not for the ‘Safe Haven’ segment alone. This is one of the harder ones boys and girls. It has its lighter moments but when it hits it packs a punch.

7 – The Cottage: (2008) This is a real surprise if you haven’t seen it. The first half is a comedic British crime caper film and the second half is pure slasher mayhem. The left turn in this one is truly incredible and the chemistry between Andy Serkis and Reece Shearsmith who play bickering brothers is excellent. Both truly funny and terrifying this one also has a few nice moments for the gore-hound in us all.

8 – A Horrible Way to Die: (2010) An escaped serial killer hunts down his ex-girlfriend who has moved to a new town in pursuit of a new life. Though laced with plenty of dark humor, largely due to A.J.Bowen’s excellent performance as the killer, this one is definitely the heaviest of the lot. That being said, the tension and the build up to the end is awesome. This one deserves to be seen by those who haven’t.

9 – The Catechism Cataclysm: (2011) Where do I begin with this one? It is one of my favorite films and perhaps hardest to describe. Not quite horror but more unsettling than any of the other films I have mentioned thus far. This is one of those films that takes you on a crazy, hysterical journey – the destination of which you could never predict in a million years. Its tonal ambiguity is one of the things which makes it so special. To call it fucking crazy is perfectly adequate. I think the less you know about this one going into it the better so I’ll just leave it at that.

10 – Murder Party: (2007) Written and directed by Jeremy Saulnier ‘Blue Ruin’ this horror comedy tells the tale of a hapless loser who, after picking up a random piece of paper on the street finds himself the guest of honor at a party where a group of people intend his murder. This movie was made for little to no money by the director and his friends. He had been making movies like this for years when this one hit and made a splash on the festival circuit. The film is written, directed, shot, edited, and lit as if its budget were in the millions. It is a really incredible watch, both as a comedy and a thriller.

Again, these are just suggestions and you will always know your crowd best. Here are some near misses which didn’t quite make the list due to popularity, tone, etc.: Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Let the Right One in, Cabin in the Woods, Trick R Treat, Kill List, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, You’re Next, Shallow Grave, Innocent Blood.

You are now free to party at will.

Until next time, this is D.B.Tarpley saying keep the popcorn hot, the sodas cold, and the pages bloody.