The 4th, Final and Best Matrix Movie of All Time!!

The wait’s over, people.  The Neo-ist addition to the groundbreaking franchise has been in the works for years.  And now, finally, the unveiling is upon us.  Last week, distinguished members of the Hollywood press, myself included, as well as various influential foreign dignitaries took in the spectacle of The Matrix 2600 in a private, top secret screening at an old drive-in theater in Burbank.

The seminal opening scene, where a seven year old Morpheus squares off against his neighbors, ten year old Agent Smith twins, over ownership and liberty of a Tonka dump truck, really sheds new light on the Matrix mythology.

Likewise, Neo’s path to Matrix hero-dom is foreshadowed brilliantly later in the film, when he, as a pigeon-toed loner (played by Zac Efron), conquers binary code for the first time in the alternate dimension of Narc, a 1988 NES title.

Hold on to your white rabbit, cause this one’s a wild ride.  Experience deja vu along with the characters as they sit in seventh grade algebra, seeing the same sixth period drag on day after day after day.  That’s a hell of a glitch.  And don’t forget the robot uprising, the technological revolution, when Morpheus’ Chef Boyardee is still not microwaved… after FIVE MINUTES!

The youthful extension of Lawrence Fishburne then goes completely off the grid, living in a tent in his parents back yard with a bag of bagels and half a pack of Skittles.

This flick is one for the ages.  More nuanced, darker, and, YES, longer than any of the others.  Its a trip you might not have the guts to take twice.  It might make you wonder which Good n’ Plenty you should’ve taken – the chalky pink one, or the chalky white one.