HELL deals with overpopulation

The kingdom of Lucifer, known popularly as Hell, is facing a problem they haven’t had in a millennium.  The residential infrastructure that Satan built some 1,500 years ago is no longer adequate for the growing number of occupants.  “New residents are moving in every day,” says project manager Adolf Hitler.  “When I moved in to the Sodomy Arms high rise, it was only a third occupied.  Now we don’t have any vacancies.  We’ve got guys staying in the broom closet.”

Added Satan, “It’s a good problem to have.”

For centuries, Hell was mostly a sprawling fiery desert wasteland, with a few pockets of housing.  Via Romana, in downtown Hades Proper, comfortably housed the thousands of Roman centurions, and even had room to accommodate Mongol rapists and marauding Huns.

“I’ve been on the waiting list for a two bedroom apartment for 32 years,” said Outlaw Jesse James of the James Gang.  “Now they tell me I might not get to move at all.  I really wanted to go to another neighborhood.  I’m in a terrible school district.”

Fortunately, Hell is saturated with contractors.  “There is a lot of economic development happening right now,” said one.  “We really have to make up for the centuries of stagnation.  We’ve done a terrible job of keeping up with the demand for new dwellings.”

Satan, swimming laps in the lake of fire, paused to talk to reporters:

“It’s a great time to be Prince of Darkness.  We’ve just started a Hell-wide football league, and the movie business has really picked up.”

Indeed, Hellywood production studios have seen triple their gross earnings recently.  “We’ve got all the best actors and producers,” said a studio exec.

Meanwhile, Heaven’s economic outlook isn’t great.

“God really dropped the ball on this one,” said Satan.  “We’re the Yankees.  He’s, like, the Royals or something.”