Rodney Dangerfield sex-tape uncovered!

Babylon, Long Island … A locked trunk was unearthed today at the residence of Ethel Willard, who reported to local animal control that her Jack Russell terrier would not stop clawing at the dirt in her back yard.  “The dog’s claws were worn to nubs,” said Animal Rescue worker Job Tettrezini.  “Whatever was down there, he definitely wanted it.”

What was down there was a cache of strange paraphanelia from various standup comedians from the ’70s and ’80s.  A Richard Pryor crack pipe was the first piece of memorabelia to be identified.  It had been hidden inside a used lambskin condom believed to have been worn by both Robin Williams and Rosie O’Donnell at various points in history.

But the crown jewel was a VHS cassette, marked  “bass fishing tournament.”  It turned out to be a 15 minute segment of grainy footage depicting then Caddyshack star Rodney Dangerfield ravaging a team of high school roller derby girls.  It is not clear whether Dangerfield himself taped the action, or if it he was oblivious to the documentation.

Dangerfield can be seen wearing nothing but a vintage Miller Lite shirt and a pair of golf shoes.  As he systemically deflowers the women, he can be heard repeating over and over: “Now yous knows what it feels like to get NO RESPECT!”

It is still unclear what attracted Mrs. Willard’s dog to the spot initially, though some authority figures speculate that “he’s just a fuckin’ dog, who cares.”